13 year old son

Thank you Stefania. The doctor's appt. went well - he was very understanding, and spoke to my son directly and easily. He convinced my son that it would be helpful to see someone at CHEO "just in case." He said it doesn't mean that he has to be admitted, but at least we could see someone to talk to. He also ran some blood tests and has weighed him, and so far, things look OK. My son is still restricting his food, but he seems to understand now that we're not just going to ignore it anymore. It's a constant struggle, but I am feeling much better now that the appt. has been made. But oh my goodness, the wait is very long!!

To the Mom of the 19 year old...I feel so much for you. It must be so difficult when they are an adult. I only hope that her time at the General will at least encourage her to admit to the problem and work on changing it. My son doesn't throw up, and this must be an added stress when you know that it's happening at night. What if you told your daughter that she can come and wake you up in the night if she's feeling the urge to be sick? Or maybe you can suggest some other coping skills to help her get through the night and avoid the purging...let me know how things go

My daughter is now on a waiting list for the adult program through the General. I have known for years that she had some kind of issue and I brought her to the Doctor numerous times to no avail. She now has not had her period in 8 months and has low iron and her hair is falling out. I recognize what you are saying about your sons restrictions. My daughter will not eat meals with us. She stays up half the night eating and throwing up. She scrutinizes every morsel that goes in her mouth. She only eats what she eats and even in restaurants, she is still trying to pick something on a menu while the rest of the table already has their food. She dabs any item with napkins if she thinks there is a glimmer of oil or sugar that may add calories. She just told me that she gained 7 lbs and was disgusted with herself. She now says she weighs 110 lbs on a 5'2" frame! She goes to the gym at least three of four times a week for over 2 hours at a time. She would go more but we just moved out of town and she doesn't drive. As soon as she is in town she buses to the nearest Good Life Gym, She actually admitted to throwing up only after my husband found her remains in the toilet. She had forgotten to flush and fell asleep on the couch during one of her nightly episodes. Her whole life revolves around food/exercise and work. She has no boyfriend because she has no time. She is obsessed with the weight thing. Its soooo sad. Help your son now before he is of legal age and you have no control anymore.

Mom of 19 year old Girl

Please risk his anger. He sounds like my son, who does have an eating disorder. It sounds like it is starting the same way--watching the cooking to see what goes in, and not liking any oils or margerines added and slowly restricting more and more food choices and amounts. My son also started adding more and more exercising and increasing the intensity of them, especially running. If you are worried please see your dr. and insist on a referral to CHEO. Doctors are a little bit slower diagnosing boys as it is less common, you may need to be more insistent.

Well, I brought up the doctor with him, and he actually wasn't as angry as I thought he'd be. He's agreed to go and see the family doctor with me, but says he'll refuse to bring it up with the counsellor that he used to see. Baby steps I guess!

It sounds like it might be helpful to make a visit to your family doctor with your son, and express your concerns. Is your son comfortable with your family doctor? If your doctor is educated about eating disorders, he/she may be able to ask the right questions, and get your son to talk a bit more about why he is eating so little. Your son may feel angry at first that you are taking him to the doctor, and you can acknowledge this, but say that you are concerned and want to speak with a professional. If your doctor feels there is a problem, he may refer you to the eating disorders clinic at CHEO.

For now, keep an open dialogue with your son, and try to avoid getting angry with him. Also, it's best to keep your meal routines the same as usual. If he refuses to eat what you're cooking, you can still ask that he participates in family meals at the dinner table. Try to keep snacks out around the house throughout the day (e.g. bowl of nuts), as he may become distracted and nibble on a few things.

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He started off by being picky - he would say things like "I'm not eating cookies anymore." Usually it was always foods that he thought were bad for him. Now his diet is even more restricted, and he even worries about the tiny bit of olive oil I put into a meal I'm cooking. He watches me while I get dinner ready, and won't eat something if he thinks it isn't healthy enough.

He's definitely had some issues with depression and anxiety since our divorce. We have taken him to counselling to help talk through these issues, but I don't think he's ever brought up the issue of food. As I said, he doesn't seem to think his restricted diet is a problem.

Do I make it into a bigger issue and risk his anger?

Only a doctor can diagnose an eating disorder, but the fact that his eating issues began after your divorce indicates some kind of stress or anxiety. Is he picky but still eating certain foods, or is he rejecting food altogether?